Sometimes it's just not possible for me to be happy.
I know that it's in my head. That I can wake up and make the most of the day and be happy, no matter what. But sometimes I can't. Sometimes I'm just too tired.
I'm tired of fighting, and feeling trapped, and being mistrusted for no reason.
I'm tired of being looked down upon by people who are no better than I am, and who don't actually know the real me.
I'm tired of feeling like there's no way out of things.
I'm hoping that soon it will change. That I'll be in a position where I can tell you everything without fearing the consequences. That hopefully there will be nothing but good news in the near future.
I want to go home, to snuggle with my cats and get hugs from my husband while he tells me things are going to be ok.
Instead I have class.
At least I remember my homework this time.
I'm sorry for not being very good company today.
xo
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
I'll be honest
I teared up a bit.
Ok, I teared up a lot.
This amazing project collects Polaroids from cities all over the world, capturing the people that live there, and their dreams.
These can be found at beforeidieiwantto.org
People are amazing creatures
And I want her to accomplish her goal of raising giant sea monkeys. I'm just saying. I support that.
<3
Ok, I teared up a lot.
This amazing project collects Polaroids from cities all over the world, capturing the people that live there, and their dreams.
These can be found at beforeidieiwantto.org
People are amazing creatures
And I want her to accomplish her goal of raising giant sea monkeys. I'm just saying. I support that.
<3
Friday, June 11, 2010
Good news everyone!
A while ago I was invited to participate in an art show where designers from all over were provided with a tiny little Yoka and told to go crazy.
Hi little Yoka!
So anywhoo, this is my little guy! Cause let's face it, there's no more appropriate attire for a bear than a bear suit
Just look at that tiny buttflap!
I was pretty proud of the little guy, and his hand stitched bunny. That stinker is SMALL. (Yoka himself is only about 2 or 2.5 inches tall)
Well, I received word today that my little guy sold! Yay!! There were so many amazing artists involved that I thought surely he would be lost in the crowd, but he's found someone to love him after all! (Though I really am just the teensyist bit sad to see him go) It was definitely a happy start to the weekend.
You can see a ton of other pictures and find out where they're off to next on the facebook page!
xox
Smiles away!
Seriously, how can these not make you break out into a huge grin? I know I can't stop!
Image from Jalopnik
Oh São Paulo, how I envy your street artists.
There's tons more adorableness on their flickr too
<3
Oh São Paulo, how I envy your street artists.
There's tons more adorableness on their flickr too
<3
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Lets get funky
I have been in a serious funk lately, and it's really starting to bum me out. It's something that has been brewing a long time, and is rooted in a few different issues, but it all goes back to feeling rather trapped in my current situation and not knowing how to get out.
One of my worst character flaws is that when I try and try and try and things are still hard, a lot of times I'll just stop trying. I hit a point of apathy and just ride it out. Its one of the few things that I do not like about myself. This time though, I've really been fighting that apathy bug. I feel like an AA member at a whiskey distillery! I really want to just not care, but I'm finally at the point that I realize that caring means caring about MYSELF and making sure that I'm happy. That's really important to me, and it's worth fighting for.
Unfortunately, much (Read most) of my current unhappiness relates to my job. And, as much as I really want to unload and moan and whine about it, and then move on, I really just can't. The first blog that I really fell in love with was the amazing Dooce.com, and if she taught me anything, it's that you probably shouldn't discuss work issues in an open air, everyone welcome environment if you're looking to keep said job. And, unfortunately, jobs are things that people need. So yeah.
I CAN say though, that I'm looking to get a second job bartending. I'm in class Tues, Wed, Thurs, and that leaves the whole weekend open. So hopefully I can find somewhere with good people, get trained quick, and make some decent money. Here's hoping.
So going back to the funk, I've been working on fighting it pretty hard. And it's working for the most part. I've been doing little things for myself, like...
Wearing my favorite shoes, and using my favorite headphones.
Painting my toenails to look like mermaid toes :)
Treating myself to delicious YanYan and laughing at the adorable little animals
and taking pictures of the awesome storms that we've been having lately.
Sometimes it's little things that make it worth it to keep going. Little things are the best at making me smile. And my readers are a big help too! Thank you all for popping in and reading what I have to say, and pitching in when you have something to add. It really means a lot to know that there are people out there who think I'm at least interesting enough to check on once and a while. :)
I <3 you guys!
One of my worst character flaws is that when I try and try and try and things are still hard, a lot of times I'll just stop trying. I hit a point of apathy and just ride it out. Its one of the few things that I do not like about myself. This time though, I've really been fighting that apathy bug. I feel like an AA member at a whiskey distillery! I really want to just not care, but I'm finally at the point that I realize that caring means caring about MYSELF and making sure that I'm happy. That's really important to me, and it's worth fighting for.
Unfortunately, much (Read most) of my current unhappiness relates to my job. And, as much as I really want to unload and moan and whine about it, and then move on, I really just can't. The first blog that I really fell in love with was the amazing Dooce.com, and if she taught me anything, it's that you probably shouldn't discuss work issues in an open air, everyone welcome environment if you're looking to keep said job. And, unfortunately, jobs are things that people need. So yeah.
I CAN say though, that I'm looking to get a second job bartending. I'm in class Tues, Wed, Thurs, and that leaves the whole weekend open. So hopefully I can find somewhere with good people, get trained quick, and make some decent money. Here's hoping.
So going back to the funk, I've been working on fighting it pretty hard. And it's working for the most part. I've been doing little things for myself, like...
Wearing my favorite shoes, and using my favorite headphones.
Painting my toenails to look like mermaid toes :)
Treating myself to delicious YanYan and laughing at the adorable little animals
and taking pictures of the awesome storms that we've been having lately.
Sometimes it's little things that make it worth it to keep going. Little things are the best at making me smile. And my readers are a big help too! Thank you all for popping in and reading what I have to say, and pitching in when you have something to add. It really means a lot to know that there are people out there who think I'm at least interesting enough to check on once and a while. :)
I <3 you guys!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
And we slept under the stars
Last night we decided to do a sushi and movie date, since I didn't have school. I decided that required us to build a fort.
We don't have the best fort building living room, but we make due when needed
We snuggled in and ate delicious fishes
And we watched good movies. We started off watching Legion, which was surprisingly good, and surprisingly short. Leaving us time for Cirque Du Freak - The Vampire's Assistant too! I was pleasantly surprised with both, and we both had a good time
So did the cats, and they spent a lot of time investigating what this giant thing in the house was. Especially little Blue who kept using the scratching post (Which is in sore need or repair) even though it had obviously been re-purposed.
Eventually he came in and watched the movie though
Then him and Adam had a long talk about their movie opinions.
It was a good night.
<3
We don't have the best fort building living room, but we make due when needed
We snuggled in and ate delicious fishes
And we watched good movies. We started off watching Legion, which was surprisingly good, and surprisingly short. Leaving us time for Cirque Du Freak - The Vampire's Assistant too! I was pleasantly surprised with both, and we both had a good time
So did the cats, and they spent a lot of time investigating what this giant thing in the house was. Especially little Blue who kept using the scratching post (Which is in sore need or repair) even though it had obviously been re-purposed.
Eventually he came in and watched the movie though
Then him and Adam had a long talk about their movie opinions.
It was a good night.
<3
Monday, June 7, 2010
Well darn!
I left my memory card reader at home. I have a great one, that's just a little box with a bunch of different slots and a USB plug. I usually keep it in my purse, so when I do on the road updates of anything (Though not this blog in almost two weeks! ARG! Bad Jen) I have it. Well, I have A TON of pictures, and no way to transfer.
Oh well. I don't have class tonight so I will then. Be prepared! I'll probably spread them out through a few different posts, so I don't bombard you with pictures.
Memorial day weekend was the culprit of my non-postiness last week. Adam and I worked a festival all weekend and it totally threw off my internal clocks in a big way, which left me feeling wonky and drained for the rest of the week. It was a good time though! I hung out with awesome friends, saw great bands, AND made a pretty good amount of money off it too! (Horray for tip jars!) Luckily Adam has some pictures up already (He's not a slacker bum like me) so here are a few.
me selling shirts and rocking some terrible posture
I'm not sure why I was so upset about that veggie burger. :)
Epic photo of epicness of Swedish death metal band Necrophobic
It's really nice to get paid to work with good people and make good money but just listening to awesome music and selling t-shirts. It really made me miss working with the public a lot. My job now is fine and all, and it's definitely really fun on occasion, but I'm just not built for sitting at a desk all day. I like moving and talking to people.
I'm only at my current job until I finish my degree, and then I want to teach. I'm really super excited about that. However, it's another 2.5 years that I'm looking at for school since I'm only able to go part time at night. (And that's assuming that I'm able to get night classes for everything I need.
Because of this, and an increase of shortage of money, I've really been thinking of getting a part time job bartending. I could work through summer at night, and maybe...shh...turn that into a new full time job. I'm really kind of excited and hopeful about it. The summer would give me opportunity to make extra cash and get experience, and then I could leave my current one and work full time at it. If I made it into a busy bar around here, I could easily make what I'm making now, and probably more, plus I would be able to go to school full time, and shave off about a year of that 2.5 years. How spiffy would that be?
So we'll see. There's nothing yet. But it might happen. A girl can dream, right?
I have to go for now, but I promise, no more breaks. :) I'll be back soon!
<3
Oh well. I don't have class tonight so I will then. Be prepared! I'll probably spread them out through a few different posts, so I don't bombard you with pictures.
Memorial day weekend was the culprit of my non-postiness last week. Adam and I worked a festival all weekend and it totally threw off my internal clocks in a big way, which left me feeling wonky and drained for the rest of the week. It was a good time though! I hung out with awesome friends, saw great bands, AND made a pretty good amount of money off it too! (Horray for tip jars!) Luckily Adam has some pictures up already (He's not a slacker bum like me) so here are a few.
It's really nice to get paid to work with good people and make good money but just listening to awesome music and selling t-shirts. It really made me miss working with the public a lot. My job now is fine and all, and it's definitely really fun on occasion, but I'm just not built for sitting at a desk all day. I like moving and talking to people.
I'm only at my current job until I finish my degree, and then I want to teach. I'm really super excited about that. However, it's another 2.5 years that I'm looking at for school since I'm only able to go part time at night. (And that's assuming that I'm able to get night classes for everything I need.
Because of this, and an increase of shortage of money, I've really been thinking of getting a part time job bartending. I could work through summer at night, and maybe...shh...turn that into a new full time job. I'm really kind of excited and hopeful about it. The summer would give me opportunity to make extra cash and get experience, and then I could leave my current one and work full time at it. If I made it into a busy bar around here, I could easily make what I'm making now, and probably more, plus I would be able to go to school full time, and shave off about a year of that 2.5 years. How spiffy would that be?
So we'll see. There's nothing yet. But it might happen. A girl can dream, right?
I have to go for now, but I promise, no more breaks. :) I'll be back soon!
<3
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