I have been in a serious funk lately, and it's really starting to bum me out. It's something that has been brewing a long time, and is rooted in a few different issues, but it all goes back to feeling rather trapped in my current situation and not knowing how to get out.
One of my worst character flaws is that when I try and try and try and things are still hard, a lot of times I'll just stop trying. I hit a point of apathy and just ride it out. Its one of the few things that I do not like about myself. This time though, I've really been fighting that apathy bug. I feel like an AA member at a whiskey distillery! I really want to just not care, but I'm finally at the point that I realize that caring means caring about MYSELF and making sure that I'm happy. That's really important to me, and it's worth fighting for.
Unfortunately, much (Read most) of my current unhappiness relates to my job. And, as much as I really want to unload and moan and whine about it, and then move on, I really just can't. The first blog that I really fell in love with was the amazing Dooce.com, and if she taught me anything, it's that you probably shouldn't discuss work issues in an open air, everyone welcome environment if you're looking to keep said job. And, unfortunately, jobs are things that people need. So yeah.
I CAN say though, that I'm looking to get a second job bartending. I'm in class Tues, Wed, Thurs, and that leaves the whole weekend open. So hopefully I can find somewhere with good people, get trained quick, and make some decent money. Here's hoping.
So going back to the funk, I've been working on fighting it pretty hard. And it's working for the most part. I've been doing little things for myself, like...
Wearing my favorite shoes, and using my favorite headphones.
Painting my toenails to look like mermaid toes :)
Treating myself to delicious YanYan and laughing at the adorable little animals
and taking pictures of the awesome storms that we've been having lately.
Sometimes it's little things that make it worth it to keep going. Little things are the best at making me smile. And my readers are a big help too! Thank you all for popping in and reading what I have to say, and pitching in when you have something to add. It really means a lot to know that there are people out there who think I'm at least interesting enough to check on once and a while. :)
I <3 you guys!